Quotations of Kristin

2011-11-26T08:37:00.002-05:00

M: When you met your boyfriend's family for the first time did you tell them all the weird things you do with butter?

L: No, I only told them half of the weird things I do with butter . . .

2011-10-04T11:35:00.000-04:00

J: K is just like a mail order bride.

2011-10-03T18:33:00.001-04:00

K: You should get Tera a boy bunny. Then you could breed them, and make money off of her!

L: Tera is not a hoar!

2011-10-02T20:17:00.002-04:00

L: Look at that old guy. He looks like he has the years of experience to work at fancy cuisine!

2011-08-16T11:27:00.002-04:00

J: You should join eHarmony, or one of those website

K: No way, any guy you meet on the computer is creepy

J: Not necessarily

K: Technically, I met S on the computer, and he is creepy

J: Well, you're right there

2011-08-15T11:15:00.001-04:00

S: We don't have to combine chicken forces to further chicken-ify the chicken

2011-08-01T23:05:00.000-04:00

L: Ultralift 3000 . . . I feel like that should be the name of a bra

2011-08-01T07:28:00.001-04:00

L: That wasn't as disappointing as I'd hoped.

2011-07-27T19:35:00.000-04:00

M: I feel like the Kingdom of God is worth a Mac.

2011-07-25T21:26:00.002-04:00

L: I started making films when I was your age, and look at me now, I'm a retail employee.

2011-07-24T20:33:00.000-04:00

N: So why don't they just call it "Google Web Shit"?

2011-05-16T23:38:00.000-04:00

K: 1 + 1 does not equal iPhone

2011-04-05T09:55:00.000-04:00

K: Remember when you were helping me pick out new checks?

L: Um, maybe?

K: It was a couple weeks ago, that day you came over. . .

L: Yeah, okay, I remember vaguely, I think

K: Okay, well, I called HSBC and their price for one box is. . .

L: WAIT! HSBC? Start at the beginning of the story again.

K: Okay, you were at my house a few weeks ago, and I had an order form for new checks on the table and we were looking at the prices while we were eating lunch, and you were picking out all the crazy designs.

L: Ohhhhhhh. You meant those checks. I thought you meant Chex, the cereal. I made up this whole scenario of us in Wegmans and I was trying to convince you to get chocolate Chex instead of the normal ones.

2011-04-04T09:53:00.000-04:00

L: Quick, go solicit that guy!

2011-03-17T19:21:00.002-04:00

L: Part of this is to show how times have changed. We're still adorable, and they are still awkward. Wait . . . . that didn't make sense at all.

2011-02-20T23:26:00.001-05:00

K: Boys are losers!

K's Grandmother: Well, then you are a loser, too!

2011-02-19T21:53:00.000-05:00

L: I'm always terrified when I poop.

2011-02-08T09:13:00.001-05:00

L: I could go for a mint chocolate chip clown head right now

2011-02-07T09:36:00.000-05:00

L: K, you better put that away before your magnetic personality melts the ice cream

2011-02-06T21:43:00.001-05:00

L: What's "no"?

K: That's PB

L: Yeah, I always confuse "no" and "PB"

2011-02-03T09:04:00.001-05:00

K: Snow driving and Mario Kart are basically the same thing.

2011-02-02T14:25:00.001-05:00

L: Do you want the perfect bunny and the perfect snack? Well, look no further!

2011-01-28T16:58:00.001-05:00

A: There's enough hair to drown you!

2011-01-24T00:13:00.002-05:00

K: We should tell them we teleported.

L: What you need to understand about teleportation is that it involved murder.

2011-01-03T11:02:00.001-05:00

K: They don't drink their coffee, even when you rub it on them!

L: And they'll only read one porn at a time!

2011-01-01T01:42:00.002-05:00

K: Okay, you know how babies are in their mom's stomach for nine months? And by stomach, I mean uterus.

2010-12-28T19:59:00.001-05:00

S: Wow, quote this entire conversation

2010-12-24T13:52:00.002-05:00

R: I know this isn't your favorite song. At least I hope it isn't, because I don't like it.

2010-12-15T15:06:00.001-05:00

K: Why are the roads here so snowy? They are clear by my house!

J: Henrietta uses a lot of salt. By next year your car will be rusted out.

2010-12-11T09:44:00.001-05:00

J: The humidity isn't getting into the air, it's spilling out onto the floor!

2010-12-10T15:19:00.002-05:00

J: How long have those people been ordering?

K: A while, but there are three of them.

J: You mean, each of them counts as three people?

2010-12-06T10:00:00.000-05:00

K: Can you fix my glasses?

J: Those tools are at home, sorry.

K: Wait, really?! You can fix it?! I was expecting the answer to be "no".

J: Do you have no faith in me?

K: No, just very little

2010-12-05T21:27:00.000-05:00

K: I don't like snow driving!

J: Well, there's always global warming to hold out for.

2010-12-02T10:27:00.001-05:00

K: L, you're horrible.

L: No, horrible would have been my buying Koala Yummies and eating them in front of you.

K: No, horrible would be eating goldfish in front of me.

D: Wait . . . the animal?

2010-12-01T15:52:00.002-05:00

K: You just bought a new TV for no reason?

K: Yeah, I guess so.

K: Why not do something better with the money? Like, give it to me!

2010-11-20T10:08:00.001-05:00

K: Is she an architect or a normal person?

J: She's normal, the rest of us are super peoples.

2010-11-19T21:44:00.001-05:00

K: There was a Victoria's Secret e-mail the other day and the underwear had bells on the butt . . . because that's practical

L: So he'll always know when you walk in the room. Or, so he'll never know if you or the cat just walked into the room.

2010-11-16T12:52:00.001-05:00

K: I've been realizing lately how stupid all of my relationships are.

S: That's great!!!!!

2010-11-12T15:47:00.000-05:00

K: because porecelin doesn't have acne

2010-11-11T10:45:00.002-05:00

A: Then we can be the girls, and I know very little, and you know a little more, and all the boys will drool.

2010-11-05T22:27:00.001-04:00

L: Sure you can come, as long as your parents learn how to write a check!

2010-11-02T13:27:00.001-04:00

D: The Halloween Kit-Kat bars are gross.
K: Why are they gross?
D: They have a bad frosting on top of them.
K: Why is the frosting bad?
D: You have to kill a bat to get that frosting.

2010-10-21T13:17:00.002-04:00

K: Can I quote that?
L: Yes. Just quote it in your mind so that an entire race of people don't hunt me down and kill me.

2010-09-27T09:34:00.002-04:00

K: Mom, do you think we are idiots?
K: I was hoping.
L: You were hoping that your children were idiots?

2010-09-20T14:46:00.001-04:00

"I have a mens sweatshirt in my closet that I honestly cannot remember which ex boyfriend it belongs to"

2010-09-16T13:15:00.001-04:00

K: I've decided I'm going to marry Dr. Chase. He's perfect! He's a doctor, but he went to seminary, and he has reeeeallly nice hair.
N: He does have a few flaws, like, he killed a man.
K: Yeah I guess that's bad. And he's a fictional character.
N: That being the biggest flaw of all.

2010-09-15T11:03:00.000-04:00

M: He has lots of messes. Actually, he is just a mess himself.

2010-09-08T08:19:00.001-04:00

K: I'd say that I would come to early church . . .

P: No, I wouldn't even say that. You'd never make it.

2010-09-04T14:21:00.002-04:00

K: Well, you can blame your high school taxes on the new rock climbing wall they just put in the middle school.

J: I know. I'm sure the football team is well outfitted, and the cheerleaders have eight uniforms each, and the chess players each have five chess pieces . . .

K: Uh, you need more than five pieces to play a game of chess.

2010-08-31T20:47:00.001-04:00

K: L, what's up with that bunny?

L: Uhhhhhh, he's fed forever and he looks kinda stoned.

2010-08-28T14:42:00.001-04:00

K: That guy looks like he's really into it.

J: Yeah, either that or he's having a seizure.

2010-08-08T22:19:00.001-04:00

L: What would work better, positive encouragement or verbal abuse?

2010-08-04T22:05:00.001-04:00

L: I find it disturbing that you sent me an e-mail legitimately titled "baby potions".

2010-08-01T16:14:00.000-04:00

L: How much does he love Jesus, on a scale of 1 to 10?

K: 10

L: I can't believe you answered that.

2010-07-31T16:13:00.000-04:00

L: It looks like it's going to be a store.

K: Well, it is zoned for retail...

2010-07-24T21:20:00.001-04:00

K: She's useless!

L: No, let's be nice, they're both useless.

2010-07-17T21:55:00.002-04:00

J: I love Lady Gaga. She's my hero.

2010-07-16T16:19:00.001-04:00

L: So, I got paid to play Diner Dash on the iPads all morning.

2010-07-14T22:52:00.000-04:00

L: He was gross. I mean, he farted and made me watch baseball.

2010-07-12T20:56:00.002-04:00

K: I'm confused.

M: No, you're not confused.

2010-06-29T21:08:00.001-04:00

J: Oh, that's right! It's late Sunday evening. It's time for all Asian people to mow their lawns.

2010-06-24T09:17:00.003-04:00

J: I've been doing an experiment to see how long I can keep you on the phone.
K: Hey!
J: I'm impressed with how well I'm doing, actually.
K: Meanie, now I'm going to have to have you beaten up!
J: Well, you're not a very nice friend.

2010-06-23T11:49:00.003-04:00

L: Yes, we'll probably make out and have children with no arms. You can quote that. It was "Yes, we'll probably make out and have children with no arms."

2010-06-22T12:07:00.002-04:00

J: I want to argue you. I think we should pollute the earth.
J: How do you define pollute?
J: Let's just dump oil into the ocean!
J: Well, it's not necessarily a bad thing . . .
J: Unless you're a fish!

2010-06-21T10:22:00.000-04:00

L: This is possibly the best picture of us ever. You're fat and I'm ugly.

2010-06-17T14:00:00.002-04:00

K: But, wasn't that the meanest thing I could have done?
P: Wellllllllll . . . yes.

2010-06-13T18:05:00.002-04:00

B: Do you know where else there is an elephant?

K: Behind the butterfly?!

L: In a pancake?!

2010-06-11T09:46:00.001-04:00

S: What are you wearing?
K: Clothes...
S: No, I mean what scent.
K: ... nothing? .... toothpaste?

2010-06-05T22:32:00.001-04:00

J: There are too many Steves. I don't know which one you're talking about anymore.

2010-06-02T22:21:00.002-04:00

P: Those girls did jack. They did less than jack! If there was such a thing as less than jack, that's what they did.

2010-05-31T17:32:00.000-04:00

L: I find it uncomfortable that at work my chest says "magical and revolutionary"

2010-05-30T14:01:00.000-04:00

K: It's not that he's a bad guy. . .

L: It's just that he's barely a guy!

2010-05-24T10:15:00.001-04:00

L: That's when you throw a flaming rock through the window. I'm not sure how you start a rock on fire, but you find a way.

2010-05-18T09:23:00.001-04:00

K: Didn't you name that yak "yam"?

L: I dunno, but that sounds like an awkward sentence.

2010-05-17T10:40:00.000-04:00

C: All cats pee on the carpet. It's part of who they are and what they do for fun.

2010-05-10T11:16:00.001-04:00

I: She's a black, albino watermelon.

2010-04-24T13:21:00.002-04:00

K: I either ate gluten or I'm pregnant.

L: Let's hope it's not the second option.

K: Yeah, but I thought you wanted to be an aunt?

L: I meant the animal.

2010-04-20T21:02:00.002-04:00

L: Maybe your house burnt down, and the guy next door will have burnt, too.

K: No!

L: But, your house will be rebuilt, and that guy will not be rebuilt.

2010-04-18T17:38:00.000-04:00

L: K and I are disgusting creatures of habit.

2010-04-09T11:08:00.001-04:00

K: Don't hit me with sugar!

2010-04-06T23:24:00.001-04:00

K: I was there with one of my girl friends.

J: Why were you there with a girl?

L: K is a lesbian now.

J: Well, she has the right car.

2010-04-02T13:28:00.001-04:00

L: I feel like this is a hotel for old people. Except, when they check out, they really check out.

2010-04-01T10:40:00.000-04:00

S: J has a new gf . . . . diet

2010-03-30T19:32:00.001-04:00

J: The guy has problems, we all do. His are just slightly more annoying at times.

2010-03-28T21:48:00.001-04:00

K: You should mate your hamster!

L: Pixel is my daughter, and she is far too young to be having promiscuous sex.

2010-03-27T19:24:00.001-04:00

L: What comes in a platter?

J: Poo poo!

2010-03-25T14:50:00.002-04:00

K: Isn't it every guy's dream to fight off attackers?

J: It's every guy's dream whose name is S!

2010-03-24T13:45:00.000-04:00

K: Okay, done talking in Lolcats now, back to human . . . I mean, English!

2010-03-21T12:49:00.001-04:00

L: Let's manipulate the crap out of the situation

2010-02-25T21:42:00.002-05:00

L: This is sort of like real life. You have a cool house and all this money, and I just have a room with crappy things in it . . . and no bells!

2010-02-24T23:10:00.002-05:00

L: Do they think a magical catbus is going to come and pick up their children for school every morning?

2010-02-23T23:17:00.001-05:00

C: I'd do anything . . . except J. . .

2010-02-08T09:55:00.000-05:00

L: You couldn't pay me to go into that store.

K: I'd do it, but I'd do pretty much anything for five or ten dollars. Don't take that the wrong way.

L: I already did.

2010-02-07T14:06:00.001-05:00

K: Do you want a llama or an ostrich?

-Literally five days later, out of the blue-

L: A llama, to answer your question.

2010-02-06T17:31:00.002-05:00

A: She was an eyeball cannibal!

S: First, it's Lego Star Wars, then normal Star Wars, then porn Star Wars.

2010-02-04T11:27:00.002-05:00

K: Uh, do you want to go look on the top shelf of the gluten-free cupboard and see if there is any cornmeal?

L: Want to? No.

K: I'll quote you on my blog in -2 minutes if you do.

L: Only if it's a quote about someone telling me how beautiful I am.

K: I don't know who is going to say that. You might have to fabricate it.

2010-02-03T14:17:00.001-05:00

K: I might make polenta spinach soup for dinner.

L: I might kill you.

K: Why?

L: Next time you'll think twice before making dinner.

2010-02-02T09:24:00.001-05:00

J: Flirt with somebody.

K: I want to run in circles, does that count as flirting?

J: No, it might scare the normies.

2010-02-01T13:49:00.001-05:00

L: I wish I were still in diapers!

S: Do you always have bad breath?

2010-01-28T12:54:00.001-05:00

K: The payment plans are interesting, though.

J: Yea. Give me your life. Get an iPad.